Visiting Lalibela

Visiting Lalibela

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

An open letter to those questioning our decisions

This is an open letter to all who wonder how adopting affects my other children, those who have expressed their concern for our other children and those who may be considering adopting but are worried how it will affect your current children.

My big kids have been through the adoption process twice. The first time, we brought Layne home as a foster baby and then last year, when we brought Gavin home. Both of these additions have changed our family dynamic, both additions have meant less one on one time with Mom and Dad, both have been hard at first (think screaming baby for 6 full months- not her fault, nervous system on FIRE and severe painful reflux and for Gavin NO ENLGISH LANGUAGE SKILLS). Despite these short term difficulties, all three of my bio kids (I won't call them my own kids, because all of my kids are my own) encouraged us to adopt our next four kids. They prayed for them, prayed for us, for OUR hearts to be softened, prayed for the process once we started down it and now pray for their brothers and sisters to be home soon.

They ALL made the choice not to play traveling basketball, seeing the huge amount of money WASTED each week, when it could be going towards bringing more orphans into our home or being spent on sponsoring a child in Ethiopia, a child who was receiving one good square meal per week and now receives three per day. It was their choice - not our's and I'm so proud of the choice they made (with their genetics, they're probably not going to be professoinal basketball players anyway).

My big kids tell others ALL THE TIME about Ethiopia and adoption in general. They would love to see other children find families. They all plan to adopt when they're older. If you spend one hour with them, you'd know that they love their little brother and sister DEEPLY and wouldn't trade them for any other experience. You would see, what I see everyday, three pre-teens who care about each other, love to read stories to a 5 and 6 year old, love to give bedtime hugs and kisses and hang out with two pretty cool little ones. You would see kids who really know what is important in life, not cell phones and text messaging, but making relationships and caring about those around them. You would see two girls who LOVE learning what it means to be a keeper at home. One who loves to cook and the other who loves to nurture. You would see a handsome pre-teen boy who has an excellent work ethic, who knows how to pitch in and will make an incredible husband some day. My future daughters-in-laws and sons-in-law will all get a gift-- great spouses who know how to love deeply, care for others and have tons of fun.

Layne and Gavin are also supportive of our decision to adopt again. Even though Gavin is terrified of the thought of travleing to ET (he will be staying here both trips), he is the one who can most eloquently and passionately state, "Mommy, it's not good for them to be in an orphanage." He knows the life he was rescued from. He knows the safety and love he feels here. He wants that for other children too. Layne just loves having a big family. My girl loves well. She loves completely and can't wait to shower that love on more siblings.

I'm not nieve to think that it will be easy to add four more children into our home. We pray daily that we won't face some of the obstacles that other adoptive parents have faced with their children. My heart aches for them and their situations. We pray for them continually. BUT, God chose us for this path, so if there are obstacles, we know without a doubt, that HE will provide the strength we need to face any obstacle. HE will be the grace we need to get through tough days. He is the ONE who loves the orphan, more than I ever could...I truly believe He weeps over the orphan CRISIS all the time, children sitting in orphanages, with no hope and no future.

We have seen God carry us through some pretty tough times in the past, times that we thought we couldn't make it through, but with HIS help, we always have. If you're considering adopting and FEAR is what is keeping you from going through with it, STOP IT. If you are fearful for our decision to adopt STOP IT. There is no safer place than to be doing what God has called you to do. It might not be easy, but our lives aren't supposed to be easy, on this side of eternity. What better message could you be sending your children, that you are willing to take risks for the sake of a child, a child loved by the CREATOR, who deserves to be loved, even if that child never decides to love you in return?

Everyone always worries about bonding and attachment with adopted children. We have learned, and I've written this before, that love is an action. You love by doing for and caring for the child. You might not automatically "feel" love for the child, but you care for them as if you did. I think the child probably feels the same way towards the parent. I believe Gavin is just now feeling like I'm his MOMMY. He's always known that I was his mom, but now I'm his Mommy- quite a difference. Sometimes it only takes a short time to feel like a family, sometimes it may take a year and sometimes it might not ever feel completely right. Can't the same be said for biological families? It's not a good enough reason for us to step away from what we feel called to do.

When you see our children's faces, you will understand why we are doing what we're doing. They are children of the King of Kings and should feel like the Princes and Princesses they are, not like some forgotten rags.


  1. One of my favorite books is Mark Buchanan's "Your God is Too Safe." He says, "The safe god has no power to console us in grief or shake us from complacency or resuce us from the pit. He just putters in his garden, smiles benignly, waves now and then, and mostly spends a lot of time in his room doing puzzles. . . . The excuse I hear most often when people continue in a confessed sin is: 'I think God understands. The kind of God I worship isn't all hung up about this.' It's as though God were a half-daft old uncle, hair sprouting from his ears, a bit runny about the eyes, winking at our little pranks and peccadilloes.
    "Well, that's nice.
    "But God isn't nice. God isn't safe Gaod is a consuming fire. . . His main business is making you and me holy. And for those of us who love borderland more than holy ground, whose hearts are more slow than burning, that always requires both the kindness and sternness of our God."

    Thank you for living in a way that defies the cult of the safe God and for exemplifying the extravagant love, the passion for justice, and the unswerving faithfulness that characterize the true God.

    And, by the way, I think that kind of living is a great way to raise kids :)

    Kristy Tapper

  2. You guys are truly amazing and we are praying for your whole family. I know that God will bless you richly for following this calling He has given you! Thanks for the updates--we're so excited for you!

  3. AMEN, AMEN, AMEN!!!!! So true, so well said, so beautiful shared. Our children are not forgotten rags half way across the world, or a picture on some random website, or a self-exalting rescue mission. They are children of God, created in His image, designed to reflect His glory! Thank you for loving these children and making them your own! God is greatly glorified! We're excited to see them come home!

    much love and prayers,
    The Taylor family